The Post Olympic Blues

or
What Am I Gonna Watch Now?


Seems to me the modern Olympics were created for one purpose: to establish an audience, specifically a TV audience. Take me, for example. But for the very odd or seasonal times, the amount of television I normally watch would give programming execs nightmares (not to worry, I’m not part of some new trend… or am I?) and at the same time make being a Nielsen rater the cushiest job, ever; House being the only show I’m a patron of, and even that’s hit and miss at best. Ah, but then along comes the Olympics and I suddenly turn into a constant viewer, watching what I normally wouldn’t walk across the street to see much less plan a day around, and with all the zeal and voracity of a true armchair athlete, too. Crazier still, I miss them (dammit!) when they’re over, the what I refer to as “Olympic Phenomenon” working perfectly once again, no weaning off period or anything, leaving those of us in the habit of tuning in suddenly without anything worth tuning in to.

Hmm. Maybe I’ve just never been in the TV loop. I mean, folks love it, stare at it, spend all night ignoring family in the same room with it and calling that 'quality time,' take it with them, tape it, burn it, use it as a quasi babysitter/entertainment/life what with palm-sized TVs, micro and widescreen, DLP, LCD, PDP, flat-paneled plasmas, front projectors and rear projectors and “Where the hell is the remote?” with cable and satellite and hundreds of channels and tons of packages and hold the onions… so they have to be watching something, right?

Right. But, what?

Well, there’s always American Gladiators. Or one of the CSI spin-offs. And let’s not forget the paranormal shows like Rescue Mediums and Ghost Hunters. Or any one of a bazillion reality shows (how ironic that they called television “The Boob Tube” at a time of decent programming, but now that the term is completely appropriate, they’ve dropped it). And if that’s not enough, there’re murmurs that Stag Beetle tournament fights (yes, it’s real) could be the next big thing.

On second thought, I think I’ll go back to reading.

29th Olympiad

08/08/08

Best of luck to all the athletes!

All Those Cautions

So who knew the new girl would bite ten minutes after she was delivered?

As previously mentioned, we have a new baby in the family, namely a 526 lb. (dry and bare weight) Suzuki VL Volusia with all the aftermarket bells and whistles. Studded Mustang seats with matching sissy bar, luggage rack, windshield, running boards, leather saddle bags, leather tank bib with sunglass case, leather conchoed tool pouch and chrome out the wazoo, including diamond grips, a screaming eagle head fender ornament and Cobra pipes… and it had been one of the pipes that “bit” bad enough to make a trip to the doctor for a huge third-degree burn, because about the only thing the new baby doesn't have are heat shields.

Caution: Bare legs and hot pipes don’t mix.

Speaking of cautions... I dislike overly dramatic “angsty” folks who view life as a bottomless pit of despair. Who no one understands. Who no one gets. Whose world is measured in the three foot radius of themselves. Who truly believe the butterfly in Central Park flaps its wings with the soul purpose of ruining their life. But that’s not me. Nope, I’m not generally like that. But I can do some pretty heavy soul-searching every once in a while. (Surprise—I know, what with me supposedly being a “writer” and all.) Like today. So if you’re interested (and I certainly don’t blame you if you aren’t) here’s a little something about me: there are very few people who know the real me. If you’re one of those who fall into the "don't" category, don’t worry—you aren’t missing anything.

I’m not a very good person, as is obvious by the amount of real life friends (none) and internet friends (few) I have, and worse, by the amount longer than a short while—a short while being anywhere from a couple of months to a couple of years.

Ah now, I already know what you’re thinking: Who’s the common denominator?

Well gosh-darnnit, that would be me!-wouldn’t it. And that brings me full circle, right back to the “not a very good person” part. I guess I change in that time. Or maybe life changes its course and I miss the detour. Relegated to the category of nonexistent. A mist. A specter. A nonentity. So it goes, again... still. I guess I do a lot wrong, and of course I do; I’m the common denominator—remember?

Maybe I'd better start looking harder for the signs. (EDIT: Scratch that. I'm done with signs altogether.)

It's A Girl!

Adopted: 08/01/08




Ain't she sweet.

Notice:

A Bag of Hammers

Unbeknownst to me until recently, three WestJet airline tickets have been purchased to Ontario. Specifically, to Hamilton airport in early September. The plan (apparently) is a sort of double holiday: my mother and eldest sister to get reacquainted at my sister’s home in Oakville, and the other two to go straight on to Ottawa for a few days, toodle around the Great Lakes on the way back to Oakville, and afterward, whatever. And all this in one week.

I’ve decided to pass and make a plan of my own: to stay here, hopefully writing and enjoying the peace and quiet of solitude. No doubt that’ll go over like a bag of hammers. So it goes.


Update (08/07): The tickets were changed and, oddly enough, everyone was fine with it. Ahh...

Write, Read, Subscribe for free! The Oddville Press

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It's Share a Song Day

This song was playing on the radio today while I was driving and I thought I'd share.

Love Jann Arden's stuff.






I'm not at all keen on this song's video, but for those who prefer them, here it is.

Jann Arden - Insensitive
Uploaded by hushhush112

And the one I'm currently obsessed with (do yourself a favor and crank up the sound on your speakers before playing - it's that good):

Want Published? The Oddville Press (online Magazine)

My apologies for my absence to date, Dear Reader, but I have a very good reason. For the last little while I have been working on something near and dear to my heart. To that end, it has been my privilege and honor to work with some of the most talented, hardest working folks on the internet, watching a kernel of an idea grow into something truly lovely, truly tangible, truly amazing. Now that we're ready to rock, I'm very excited and anxious to tell you all about it. So I will.

It's my sincere pleasure to introduce you to The Oddville Press.


Artwork courtesy of Clara Natoli. Please do not copy without her permission. To see more of her Clara's wonderful work, visit her "new blog."













The Oddville Press is an online non-profit magazine dedicated to bringing high quality Fiction, Poetry and Artwork to the forefront and whose mission is to promote today’s geniuses and tomorrow’s giants. The Oddville Press will consider material submitted by any writer, established or not. Our guidelines are simple: submissions must be original, well written, creative and compelling. Serious, thoughtful, yet accessible high-quality fiction, poetry and artwork will constitute the majority of our acceptances, and of course humour is most welcome.


"So, why the name 'The Oddville Press'?" you ask.

Simply put, the word "odd" is something all writers know very well, the first twinge experienced the first time someone asks us what we do. Yes, writers are odd. We know it. And the looks on the faces of the folks we tell says they know it too. So, why not embrace it? The "ville" part is the sense of community we writers gravitate toward. Writing is very much a solo act, and though being unique is kind of cool in itself, being lonely is a real killer. So we tend to group up on writing forums, writing work shops and creative writing classes, in real life and in internet life, helping ourselves by helping each other. Hence, the name The Oddville Press.

Ah, but this magazine is unquestionably for you, Dear Reader. We bring quality Fiction, Poetry and Artwork from around the world to the public by respecting the minds of those we are invited into, publishing the professional and the burgeoning—today’s geniuses and tomorrow’s giants.

So if you're a writer, poet or artist, why are you still here reading this? Give us your weird and wonderful. Give us something "odd." Get yourself over to The Oddville Press, see the Submission Guidelines, then submit. Your public awaits!

We look forward to reading you.

Romantic Song

Here's a little ditty for you to help you get through the day. Enjoy.

It's Time To Get Clued In

Another school shooting on a growing list of school shootings, and as I’ve said before (and I’ll say again): I believe the fault lies with everyone, and the key to stopping it is everyone.

Now hear me out.

We are a self-centered, don’t-want-to-get-involved, “me” society, where we see things going on around us—everything from the huge and obvious to the “just a little off”—and let it go. Because we let it go, we are enablers (and accomplices, I might add) by not getting involved. Because we don’t get involved, the fault lies with us. We. We’ve dropped the ball, people. The old and true saying “It takes a community to raise a child” isn’t happening in this society, and that’s a damn shame.

Off the top of my head. This sort of thing can be (most times) be prevented. With that in mind, I have to ask: Where were the parents in all of this? Where were the kid’s friends? The teachers? Even the casual observer who lives down the hall and has a gut feeling that the guy is “weird” and/or may be going off his nut? They (we, in fact) are busy being enablers (and accomplices—I can’t stress that word enough), that’s where. People say afterward (why is it always afterward?) things like, “He stopped his meds and was getting more and more erratic” or “He was bullied,” etc., etc. So why didn’t anyone speak up before? Were they afraid? And if so, of what? If they’re wrong, great! If they’re right, it might save lives.

As for the bullies. Why weren’t they put to the mat when they first started bullying? Our school board here has adopted a Zero Tolerance policy on bullying, whereby, if warranted, the offender will do their schooling off grounds via the Outreach Program, where they can’t hurt anyone. It’s not the end-all / be-all answer, but it helps. Of course, if the offender decides to retaliate off school grounds, the retaliatee’s parents can always make use of the legal system (assault, uttering threats, etc., etc.).

And speaking of parents. If you’d stop touting your kid’s right to privacy and start getting your butt into their bedroom, you might be able to prevent some of these terrible things from happening and save your own kid in the process. Ah, I know what you’re thinking: I’ll break the trust. Well here's a reality check for you: It could cost them their lives if you don't. But just to make you feel better, let's try looking at this another way. If you thought for one second there was something in that room which could cost your kid their life, wouldn't you be in there in a heartbeat? Sure you would; I guarantee you would. I can also guarantee that no where on your apartment lease or deed of your house will you find is your kid’s name. That makes it your house, not your kid’s. It's time to get clued in.

In all honesty, the “it’s none of my business” mentality has got to go. Instead, what we need to do is to get involved because only through it will we have a hope in hell of stopping this.

writingforums.com (Writing Forums)

Since Writing Forums dot com (WF.com) is down again, and since there are thousands of us displaced WFers looking for a place to hang out, get information, set up a second (third, forth, twelfth) home...


Now you know I don’t usually recommend writing forums on The View (I‘ve only ever recommended one thus far), but the potential of this months-old forum makes it another exception and definitely one worth checking out. Introducing:





Writing Discussions: Forums for Writers is a friendly and new kind of writing forum made by writers, for writers. Just a few of its super features include:

* An excellent, experienced and very approachable staff.

* Talented members from beginners to the published.

* Enough forums for writers of all walks, tastes and genres, including five viewable by members only Writing Workshops in the categories of Fiction, Poetry, Non-Fiction, Scripts, Other Writing (meaning first rights are protected in all five Workshop forums).

* The Hothouse—another first rights protected forum, The Hothouse is a new concept in writers' forums. It's a private, invitation only and first rights protected area devoted solely to the 'hothousing' of writers and their work in preparation for publication.

* Writing Exercises and Challenges forum—a place to flex your writing muscles. Join a challenge or create your own and challenge your friends.

* NaShoStoMo Forums. Think you’ve got what it takes?

* Member Blogs. Yes, you heard that right. As a member, you can create your own member Blog. They come complete with a Calendar, Archives, Categories and all the extras.

And if that’s not enough, then hang on to your goodies, folks, because they aren’t done adding yet. Have a suggestion or a feature you'd like to see? Let them know and they'll see what they can do. (Yes, there’s even a forum for that.) This place aims to please.

So if you write or are an avid reader and haven’t yet checked out Writing Discussions: Forums for Writers, I urge you to do so. And tell ‘em Hawke sent you.

Writing Forums dot com Is Down

Since writingforums.com is down (which leaves several thousand people temporarily displaced, myself included), and since I stumbled upon the site Writing Discussions: Forums for Writers (please see the link in my "Must Reads"), not to take away from other sites listed in my 'Must Reads' mind you, I thought I'd point Writing Discussions: Forums for Writers out as being another either temporary or perhaps permanent first or second (third, forth, twelfth) home.

Posted right at the top of Writing Discussions: Forums for Writers (in News & Announcements) is the topic "Writing Forums is Down..." by Selorian. That post reads as follows:

"It appears that writingforums.com is down. If you're a member there looking for someplace to hang out until the problem is resolved, feel free to sign up and use Writing Discussions.

"Abide by the same rules you would there and enjoy.

"I'll try to update the status of WF as the information becomes available to me."

Thank you so much for your kindness, Selorian. WD is truly a lovely writing forum, and one I'm proud to have joined.

Might I also recommend for the writingforums.com displaced another lovely writing forum called Literary Mary (please see the link in my "Must Reads"). There you'll find many familiar faces, an excellent staff, mad-skills talent and enough forums to satisfy any writer.

As for writingforums.com. No—I have no idea why it's down, nor can I guess when it'll be back up. Like Selorian, I'll also try to update the status of WF (here) as the information becomes available to me. Knock on wood it'll be up soon. Meanwhile, write on!

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To All...

Hugs, love and happiness,
Hawke

Christmas Song Quiz

Try to identify the carol from the clues. Some are pretty tricky! The answers are at the bottom... don't peek if you want to try it for yourself.








1. The apartment of 2 psychiatrists.
2. The lad is a diminutive percussionist.
3. Decorate the entry-ways .
4. Sir Lancelot with laryngitis.
5. A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z.
6. Present me naught but dual incisors for this festive Yuletide.
7. The smog-less bewitching hour arrived.
8. Exuberation to this orb.
9. 288 Yuletide hours.
10. Do you perceive the same longitudinal pressure which stimulates my auditory sense organs.
11. The red-suited pa is due in this burg.
12. Stepping on the pad cover.
13. Uncouth dolt has his beezer in the booze and thinks he is a Dark Cloud's boyfriend.
14. Far back in a hay bin.
15. Leave and do an elevated broadcast.
16. That exiguous hamlet south of the holy city.
17. Behold! I envisioned a trio of nautical vessels.
18. Listen, the winged heavenly messengers are proclaiming tunefully.
19. A joyful song relative to hollow metallic vessels which vibrate and bring forth a ringing sound when struck.
20. As the guardians of little woolly animal's protected their charges in the shadows of the earth.
21. Frozen precipitation commence
22. Monarchial triad
23. Oh, member of the round table with missing areas
24. Boulder of the tinkling metal spheres
25. Vehicular homicide was committed on Dad's mom by a precipitous darling
26. Wanted in December: top forward incisors
27. We are Kong, Lear, and Nat Cole
28. Cup-shaped instruments fashioned of a whitish metallic element
29. Oh small Israel urban center
30. Our fervent hope is that you thoroughly enjoy your yuletide season
31. Parent was observed osculating a red-coated unshaven teamster
32. May the Deity bestow an absence of fatigue to mild male humans
33. Natal celebration devoid of color, rather albino, as a hallucinatory phenomenon for me.
34. Obese personification fabricated of compressed mounds of minute crystals.
35. Tranquiltiy upon the terrestrial sphere.
36. Have hitherward the entire assembly of those who are loyal in their belief.

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And the answers are:

1. The Nutcracker Suite
2. Little Drummer Boy
3. Deck The Halls
4. Silent Night
5. Noel (No L)
6. All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth
7. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
8. Joy To The World
9. 12 Days Of Christmas
10. Do You Hear What I Hear?
11. Santa Claus Is Coming To Town
12. Up On the Housetop
13. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
14. Away In A Manger
15. Go Tell It On The Mountain
16. O Little Town Of Bethlehem
17. I Saw Three Ships
18. Hark the Herald Angels Sing
19. Jingle Bells
20. As Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night
21. Let It Snow
22. We Three Kings
23. O Holy Night
24. O Christmas Tree
25. Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer
26. All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth (again)
27. We Three Kings (again)
28. Silver Bells
29. Oh Little Town of Bethlehem (again)
30. We Wish You a Merry Christmas
31. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
32. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
33. I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas (or Walkin’ In a Winter Wonderland ?)
34. Frosty The Snowman
35. Peace On Earth
36. O Come All Ye Faithful

Christmas Video Chuckles

Since we’re doing the Christmas video thing (aren’t we?), I thought I’d post a couple of chuckles for you. I know I could sure use a good giggle at this time of year, but anyway...

Hope you enjoy.



And for my fellow Canadians...



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Traditions (Or How To Avoid Buying Into The Commercial Christmas) again

Thought I'd drag this one out of last year's mothballs, dust it off and repost it.


Can someone please tell me when we went from the true meaning and joy of Christmas, to commercialism and hype? When peace, love thy fellow man, “Merry Christmas” wishing, cease-firing (during wartime, no less), warm and fuzzy feelings and family and traditions were replaced with camping out in front of stores, fist fights in lineups, “Seasons Greetings” wishing (if we say anything at all) lest we offend someone, bitching each other out, paying double on e-bay, Christmas tree dismantling in airports, and walking over each other's dead bodies if necessary for a chance at that elusive, must-have-no-matter-what, whatever-the-hell-it-is piece of what’s-it at what-ever-the-hell price?

And after all that, after we've warmly and fuzzily beat some line-jumper nearly to death and/or drove ourselves into depression, the very kids we did it for (depending on their age, of course) will either play with said “must-have” once or twice and then play with the box or bow instead, or, if older, snub their noses at the (for example) $100 plus IPod as though you’ve just handed them slug guts in a box, utterly disgusted that you didn’t get them the $300 “black” number they only told you a bazillion times to get—the status symbol everyone has. Pul-ease.

And we do this... why?

The kids won’t remember everything they get (and from whom) this year, anymore than they remember everything they got (and from whom) last year.

Go ahead—ask them. I can wait.

What they will remember is the cat knocking over the Christmas tree. Or Grandpa taking out his dentures and making funny faces. Or Aunty Deb baking Nanaimo squares. Or the Christmas meal, in menu-like detail, including their first sip of wine. Or dad throwing everyone out of the kitchen to make his famous potato dressing. In other words, you can’t buy memories, but you can make them.

Gee, what a concept.

Christmas Sing-Along!

Ah, Christmas. Are your stockings hung, your credit cards maxed out, the mall's a madhouse, and you've decided you're gonna take up heavy drinking if you don’t find a good Christmas sing-along to pick up your spirits? Then you've come to the right place!

Oh come on. You know you wanna.

Enjoy.

It's That Time...

Just...